obviously

obviously this is not what i expected it to be just like life, anyways today is going okay i guess, i had a dream last night that my boyfriend cheated on me with a girl he was spending the night with and that was awesome, and he seems to be acting weird. Also my back hurts. Also i want a remote like the one from clique so i can fast forward just saying.

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In The Future

my ultimate goal is to be at peace with myself, eliminate toxic feelings and elements and energies from my life, unlearn negative and harmful practices and thought patterns, stop checking for people that don’t check for me, create a space for myself that is nurturing for growth so that i may generate loving energy for myself and for others, nourish my spirit and balance my energies, i have big dreams and i deserve to live a life i love and let that love radiate. Yet the actions that i am choosing to do now are completely opposite of this. I just some how seem to make it worse, i don’t try to, my intentions are actually really good, just yet i have horrible judgement. I still care about people who treat me like shit. I need help, i need a new life, i need to run away, i need hope.……….. I need a new dream to replace all the ones that have died within my horrible wretched creil mind.

STOP

Please stop for one quick second and read this

Think about all the people you have secretly had a crush on, all the people you have found attractive, but never said anything to. Every stranger you have temporarily fallen in love with on public transportation.All the people you have dreamt of and though of early in the mornings. The memory with a person that brings back happiness, and even just a smile that you really needed that day.

Now please realize that you have been this person for so many people…. and you have no idea

A receipt for flowers

beautiful

Butterfly Mind

He emptied her pockets, searching for a handkerchief, a lipstick, a hair band. Anything she had handled. Anything he could carry that would transmit her fragrance, her person. He found nothing. For all the times she’d shoved her hands in the jacket’s warm pouches, her face sad as the wind blew her hair into her eyelashes, for all those silent walks on cold days, there was nothing there.

He turned to the jacket’s lining. It was a pewter color. Silky. He imagined it against her skin. Imagined her slipping bare arms into it on a day warm enough for short sleeves in the afternoon, but cool enough for a jacket in the evening. Her soft brown hairs soft against the silvery smooth lining.

There was one more pocket. Its lip was piped with a strip of fuschia that reminded him of cyclamen. The pink piping was the only color on…

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lets start

So currently I am a Junior is a tiny itty bitty high school, perfect for a yellow polka dot bikini. Anyways I have absolutely no friends. Now I know what your thinking a poor sad lonely no friended high school girl, who probably has friends who cares? Well that is correct in a way but not just that defines a person and their soul. There is 6 girls in my class, me included. Within these girls there is the clique of three and the ruler of them who’s name is Tina. Tina oh of course her so smart and beautiful and pretty. Then the other two who follow her around (kinda like mean girls am I right?) Anyways then the other two girls who are not in the clique of doom, one with a boyfriend and one who is also alone, and me little old me trying to squeeze in their somewhere. I try to hang with the boys but naw doesn’t really work so I am a wallflower who listens does her work gets perfect grades but is alone. Well see I have a boyfriend but he goes to a different school and so I see him about 2 times a week but thats a whole other story. Anyways so this is me trying to figure out what is going on with my life and I know what life I have right? 17 in school weekend job and a boyfriend what else could there for a person my age? yeah well my brain thinks otherwise so as I use this to explore myself and maybe vent and try to be funny lets see how it goes. Hopefully this helps.